Recently my therapist introduced core values as an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) tool.
Core values are a valuable lens through which to assess our decisions. It shifts the focus from outcomes (i.e., successes/failures) to behavior. While we can control our actions, we can’t control the outcomes of our actions. So it’s more useful to consider whether our actions are in alignment with our values than whether our actions are likely to yield a successful outcome.
For example, I am working a pro bono case. Due to unforeseen factors, I’m not sure that I can obtain the ideal resolution. Nor am I sure that my client will be happy with the resolution and, ergo, my representation. But instead of letting the resolution or the client’s reaction shape my attitude towards the case, I can focus on how the work furthers one or more of my core values, such as kindness.
The core value framework also deemphasizes thoughts and feelings, which are also not entirely within our control. And values can be a diagnostic for thoughts and feelings, as we tend to feel better when aligned with our values.
From this list, I identified the following as my core values:
- Self-development: to keep growing, advancing, or improving in knowledge, skills, character or life experience.
- Creativity: to be creative or innovative.
- Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing, or caring towards myself or others.
- Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others.
- Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others, and life.
(Maybe can be generalized by the mantra: “prioritize relationships and experiences over material possessions and physical appearance.”)
Secondary values:
- Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself.
- Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, and improve.
We discussed whether these are “shoulds” (societal expectations) or “wants” (how I intrinsically identify). Then we talked about whether I am in alignment with my values - in work, relationships, etc.
Core values are not fixed. And they may change with time. That is o.k.
We may hold different core values in different domains (e.g., work, relationships, leisure, etc.). That is also o.k.
I started therapy in a time of crisis. Fortunately those events passed. And my recent sessions have been more about self-exploration. But even in uneventful times, therapy has been a vehicle for meaningful introspection.
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