How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie: The Principles

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
   • People don’t criticize themselves for anything (?)
   • Animals rewarded for good behavior learn more rapidly and retain what they learn more than animals who are punished for bad behavior.
   • People don’t change in response to criticism.
2. Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation
   • The biggest need in human nature is the desire to be important.
   • People want to feel important.
3. Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want
   • Frame statements in terms of what the other person wants/needs and how it benefits them

Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
   • You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

2. Principle 2: Smile

3. Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

4. Principle 4: Be a good listener

5. Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
   • If it is important enough, prepare by finding out what interests the person or learning about their interest.
6. Principle 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely
   • Don’t forget little courtesies.

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
   • You won’t convince someone by arguing with them.
2. Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
   • Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgment.
   • Judge people by their own principles, not your own.
3. Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
   • People don’t want to change their minds.

4. Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way

5. Principle 5: Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately
   • Begin by emphasizing the things on which you agree.

6. Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

7. Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

8. Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

9. Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

10. Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives
    • A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a real reason and a reason that sounds good.
    • The person will think of the real reason, without you having to mention it. Appeal to the nobler reason.

11. Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas

12. Principle 12: Throw down a challenge
    • Stimulate competition.

Part 4: Be a Leader—How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Rousing Resentment

1. Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
   • It’s easier to listen to unpleasant things about yourself after hearing about your positive points.

2. Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

3. Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

4. Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
   • Asking a question not only makes an order more palatable, it stimulates creativity.
   • People are more likely to follow an order if they feel that they had a part in the decision.

5. Principle 5: Let the other person save face

6. Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

7. Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

8. Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

9. Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
   • Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to you, momentarily and think about what they want.
   • Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
   • Be empathetic. Ask yourself exactly what it is the other person wants.
   • Consider the benefits that other person will receive from doing what you suggest.
   • Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
   • When you make your request, put it in the form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.