Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: Summary

Chapter 1: The New Rules - Successful negotiation is about building trust and getting information.

• Good negotiators approach the bargaining table attempting to gain as much information as possible, both about the situation and their counterpart. Naturally, during this process, new stuff comes to light. So, success means being prepared for a bend in the road.
• Nobody is going to provide you with information if they don’t trust you, and that’s why rapport is essential. If you manage to establish it you’ll build trust in the process, making it much more likely that the other person will divulge useful information.

Chapter 2: Be a Mirror - Closely listening to and even repeating what your counterpart says can build trust.

• Engage in active listening, which means showing empathy and demonstrating that you understand what the other person is going through.
• Mirroring - repeating what your counterpart says but with an inquisitive tone. It makes the other person feel that you’re similar to them and forges belonging and trust.
• The tone of your voice can do wonders for negotiation.
• If the other party is likely to become upset or nervous - employ a deep but soft voice (the Late-Night FM DJ voice).
• Usually use a positive/playful voice to communicate you’re easygoing and empathetic and put things in a positive light (can achieve by smiling when you talk).
• If needed - direct or assertive voice.
• If in a confrontation:
  1. Use the late-night FM DJ voice;
  2. Start with “I’m sorry …”;
  3. Mirror;
  4. Silence. At least four seconds, to let the mirror work its magic on your counterpart; and
  5. Repeat.

Chapter 3: Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It - Understand and state the emotions of your counterpart to position yourself effectively in a negotiation.

• People’s emotions have two levels: the “presenting” behavior - the part above the surface you can see and hear; and the “underlying” feeling that motivates the behavior
• Labeling - telling your counterpart that you understand and acknowledge both their positions and feelings. Describe the underlying feeling. (e.g., “It seems like…”, “It sounds like…”, “It looks like…”.).
• Labeling negatives diffuses them. Labeling positive reinforces them.
• If counterpart disagrees with the label, that’s okay. You can say “that’s just how it seemed….”

Chapter 4: Beware “Yes” - Master “No” - Don’t be afraid to get the other party to say “no.”

• Try to get to “no” early in the negotiation. (Or you can ask the other party what they don’t want). It makes the speaker feel safe and in control. (Or something equivalent to “no”).
• Can provoke “no” by mislabeling or asking a ridiculous question.
• Ask solution-based questions (e.g., “What about this doesn’t work for you?”, “What would you need to make it work?”, “It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.”).

Chapter 5: Trigger the Words That Immediately Transforms Any Negotation - try to get your counterpart to say “that’s right.”

• Better than “yes.”
• Can do by summarizing or paraphrasing.

Chapter 6: Bend Their Reality - establish yourself as fair.

• Anchor their emotions - acknowledge their fears.
• Let them go first. (But, be careful of them using this to bend your reality).
• Establish a range. Or set an extreme anchor to make your “real” offer seem reasonable.
• Pivot to Non-Monetary Terms - they can be things that aren’t important to you but matter to the other party.
• If talking numbers, use odd ones - they sound less rounded.
• Surprise with a gift - stake an extreme anchor and then give an unexpectedly generous offer.
• If negotiating about salary, be pleasantly persistent on non-salary terms, ask what it takes to succeed in role.
• Don’t accept the other party’s demands, don’t compromise, and don’t rush. Most deadlines are actually flexible.
• If the other party wields the term “fair” to put you on the defensive, don’t get suckered into a concession and ask them to explain how you’re being unfair.
• People will take more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. Make sure your counterpart sees that there is something to lose by inaction.

Chapter 7: Create the Illusion of Control

• Instead of saying what you “need,” describe what you’re looking for and ask for suggestions. Then to get a better offer ask: “How am I supposed to do that?”
• Use calibrated questions (questions that start with “how” or “what”) to educate your counterpart on what the problem is rather than causing conflict. Gives them sense of control.
• What about this is important to you?
• How can I help to make this better for us?
• How would you like me to proceed?
• What is it that brought us into this situation?
• How can we solve this problem?
• What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here?
• How am I supposed to do that?
• Always stay calm.
• Avoid questions that can be answered with “yes.” They require little though and inspire the need for reciprocity.

Chapter 8: Guarantee Execution

• Ask your counterpart “how” to arrive at a solution.
• Be aware of the 7-38-55 rule. 7% of message is based on words, 38% is based on tone of voice, and 55% is based on body language and face. Pay attention to misalignment between words and non-verbal cues.
• Use the rule of three - get the other person to agree to the same thing three times in a conversation. Can use this rule to test if a “yes” is counterfeit.
• Be aware of the Pinocchio Effect - liars use more words than truth tellers and more third-person pronouns.
• Use your own name (not theirs) to create forced empathy - make the other side see you as a person.

Chapter 9: Bargain Hard

• If being dragged into a haggle, change to non-monetary topics.
• When you want to flip a dubious counterpart to your side, ask them, “Why would you do that?” but in a way that the “that” favors you.
• Using the first-person singular pronoun is another great way to set a boundary without escalating into confrontation. When you say, “I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me,” the word “I” strategically focuses your counterpart’s attention onto you long enough for you to make a point.
• When you want to counteract unproductive statements from your counterpart, you can say, “I feel __ when you __ because ___,” and that demands a time-out from the other person.
• The Ackerman model
  1. Set your target price (your goal);
  2. Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price;
  3. Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent);
  4. Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer;
  5. When calculating the final amount, use precise, non-round numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight; and
  6. On your final number, throw in a non-monetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.

Chapter 10: Find the Black Swan(hidden piece of information that when revealed can drastically alter course) - persuade your counterpart that they have something real to lose if the deal falls through.

• Positive leverage is your ability as a negotiator to provide—or withhold—things that your counterpart wants. When they say that, you have power.
• Negative leverage is what most people picture when they hear the word “leverage.” It’s a negotiator’s ability to make his counterpart suffer.
• Normative leverage is using the other party’s norms and standards to advance your position. If you can show inconsistencies between their beliefs and their actions, you have normative leverage.
• Reasons a counterpart may seem crazy - they are ill-informed, they are constrained, they have other interests.
• Dig into the other side’s religion/worldviews and use that in negotiating.